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New Year’s Resolutions: Cambridge Edition

New year, same me


Lent Term and the New Year: what a great time for a refresher. Here are the top eight resolutions for having a more productive and less miserable term.

Don’t worry! These are super easy to follow if you need a kick start to feeling better about yourself.

I will not turn up to my supos severely hungover (or even still drunk)

Having to face your supervisor after a heavy night can often be humbling.

Maybe we’ll drink a cup of kindness yet instead for the sake of auld lang syne.

We must show our faces at spoons x (Image credit: author’s screenshot via BeRe.al/paddy.dolan)

I will burn bridges with my toxic situationship

Talk about Orgasm Bridge. You survived six weeks without them, I’m sure you can go another eight.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind…

I will not make Girton jokes

Girton jokes = Ohio jokes

They couldn’t be further from even being remotely funny.

Maybe the ninth resolution can be taking a long and reflective walk to Girton (Image credit: author’s screenshoot via Crushbridge)

I will not make going to Cambridge my only personality trait

Where does one start? This is a pretty rogue request.

I will not wait until formal to post my BeReal

BeFake is so 2022.

I get it though because let’s just actually be BeReal, all of them would be in the library if they were on time.

BeReal is always between 7.30-9.30pm on a Sunday, we promise. (Image credit: author’s screenshot via BeRe.al/paddy.dolan)

I will end the rivalry with Oxf*rd

Rumour has it St Andrews (St Andr*ws? – not as catchy) is the ultimate rival against which Oxbridge must unite in its forces.

Until the Boat Race at least.

I will not stalk Crushbridge until my initials magically appear

I like to think of Crushbridge as ‘a watched kettle never boils.’ If you’re looking for your own name, you’re more likely to find your friend’s. Give it a rest and spend more time on focusing on how you’ll finesse one.

Don’t let Crushbridge crush you x

Self love in a unique form (Image credit: author’s screenshoot via Crushbridge)

I will not procrastinate doing my work

Well, you’re reading this (and I spent time writing it).

There’s always 2024.

Feature image credits: Patrick Dolan, screenshot via Camfess