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Shakespeare’s Sister characters as Muppets

This is more cursed than an ancient burial ground.


This year’s Downing freshers have taken over Howard Theatre with their rendition of Emma Whopay’s “Shakespeare’s Sister”! As freshers are often described as such, we thought it would be fitting to ask which muppets would play each character if there ever were a muppets rendition of this play.

Ned Alleyn – Kermit

Ned Alleyn would definitely be played by Kermit the frog. Kermit, just like Ned, is a talented actor born to be a player and the world is his stage. However, though Ned could nail “Rainbow Connection”, we think that Kermit would struggle with Ned’s multiple monologues in Act 3. Kermit is also fairly charming, and an overall favourite of the public (but arguably not so within the play).

Richard “Dick” Burbage – Gonzo

Gonzo, known for his acting and bizarre stunts, perfectly fits the character of Richard “Dick” Burbage. Gonzo would be very down for the “Dick removes his costume, and then most of his clothes, at speed” stage direction. He also seems like the type of person to be an avid waistcoat-wearer, as Dick is.

Joan Henslowe – Miss Piggy

Miss Piggy would have to be cast as Joan Henslowe — there really is no other option! Her relationship with Kermit means the chemistry between her and Ned will be perfectly matched. Her looks are beauty-contest winning and her charm is irresistible. We all know she’d slay it! Plus, the current Miss Piggy cover of FKA Twigs’ ‘Cellophane’ seems to give the exact vibe she’d need for the gruelling Act 3.

Dorothy Clayton – Animal

Dorothy Clayton, a little unhinged (okay, maybe a lot), is the perfect character to be played by Animal. After all, who else would be crazy enough to pull a knife on a soldier? Plus, who else could truly pull off such an intense role?

Lucy Morgan – Camilla the Chicken

Camilla the Chicken must be the only muppet with eyelashes nice enough to get confused for an ‘exotic strumpet’ (for those of you confused like we were, she also might be a bit of a prostitute) — perfect to play Lucy Morgan, famous for her, er, services.

Phil – Cookie Monster

Camilla the Chicken must be the only muppet with eyelashes nice enough to get confused for an ‘exotic strumpet’ (for those of you confused like we were, she also might be a bit of a prostitute) — perfect to play Lucy Morgan, famous for her, er, services.

Phil – Cookie Monster

Fozzie Bear is occasionally left taking care of the theatre. In Shakespeare’s sister, he could step up his game and play Henslowe, the owner of most of London’s theatres and brothels. As well as being a general menace, Fozzie Bear would be the only one able to pull off yelling, “Burbage!” as many times as Henslowe does.

William Shakespeare – Elmo

Image credits: Flickr by the Creative Commons license.

Elmo would be none other than William Shakespeare, the man himself. He’s got the fame, the fortune, and the slight soulless and cynical look in his eyes. Also, he’d absolutely rock a ruff.

Some other honourable mentions are: Walter as Hamnet Shakespeare (the aesthetics match up), Sam the Eagle as Thomas Egerton (he is very lawyerly), Scooter as John Shakespeare (would be an illiterate misogynist — he might even be one already), Rizzo the Rat as Susannah Shakespeare (they have the same type of chaotic energy, and are wildly under-appreciated), Janice as Mary Shakespeare (she’s hot and born in the wrong time), Oscar the Grouch as the jailor (grumpy in all facets, probably lives in the Tudor equivalent of a dumpster), and Statler and Waldorf as the soldiers (self-explanatory).

And last but not least, Judith Shakespeare would be that one human that awkwardly has to act next to all the puppeteers. In every good muppets adaptation, there’s one character still played by a human and, though that usually brings up some ethical implications, we’ve decided to maintain the tradition and force our lovely lead to act opposite incredibly animated puppets.

Get your tickets now to see if you agree!

This amateur production of “Shakespeare’s Sister” is presented by arrangement with Concord Theatricals Ltd. on behalf of Samuel French Ltd. www.concordtheatricals.co.uk

Featured image credits: Lauren Herd

Co-author credits: Lauren Herd

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