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Ranking the worst types of Cambridge students during exams

If this article offends you, you might have a problem


It’s Easter term and, once everyone is finished commenting on how nice Cambridge is in the sun, exams will become the primary topic of conversation. As if revising for your own exams wasn’t stressful enough, you should get ready to be stressed out by the people around you. Luckily, this article is here to let you know the types of Cambridge students to avoid like the plague as exams draw near.

10. The one whose exams finish really early

Speaking as someone whose exams don’t end until 15th June, this person is very annoying. While we’re screaming with frustration at how much revision we’ve still got to get through, they’re screaming their hearts out to the words of ‘Shake it Off’ in Mash.

9. The one who asks for your notes

My notes are so poor that I don’t usually encounter this type of person, but for the people who spend hours making immaculate documents, I’m sure being asked to share them can be quite frustrating.

8. The one who doesn’t share their notes

Just so we’re clear, it’s fine if I’m the one asking. I’ll like you a lot better if you agree to share.

[Image credits: Libby Stone]

7. The one who makes a lot of noise

Nobody likes a buzz kill, but nobody likes to be kept awake until 3 am by noisy flatmates the night before an exam. Sometimes you’ve got to prioritise your sanity over popularity by sending that passive-aggressive text telling them to keep the noise down.

6. The one who doesn’t need to study

We’ve all met this person. While you’re busy revising, they’re probably watching Netflix. The worst part is, you know they’re still going to do better than you in exams. Often, they’re good at sport too.

5. The one who stresses everyone else out

How many critical theories have you memorised? How many hours of revision are you doing each day? So far I’ve read twenty extra books, do you think that’s enough?

Sometimes, you want to scream at this person to shut up.

A selfie taken during an “extremely productive” study session [Image credits: Esther Knowles]

4. The one who thinks they have it worse than everyone else

STEM students, I’m looking at you. Just because I don’t have a trillion formulas to learn, doesn’t mean I’m not working hard!

3. The one who “doesn’t care”

This person will go around telling people they’re just trying to scrape a pass, but we all know they’ll be in tears if they get anything less than a high 2:1.

2. The one who pretends they don’t study

They spend so much time bragging about how little work they’ve done, but you see them in the library suspiciously often. When the exam is about to start and they’re complaining about how little they know, do not pity them.

[Image credits: Libby Stone]

1. The one who wants to top Tripos

We all dream of it but, for most of us, a dream is all it will ever be. However, hanging around the few people who think they might actually stand a chance can be an insufferable way to spend your exam season.

What a way to ruin the feeling of exam camaraderie knowing that someone is intent on proving your inferiority to them.

Now you know who to avoid this Easter term, I wish you all the chance to revise in peace.

Feature image credits: Esther Knowles (King’s College), Wikimedia via Creative Commons (Science books), Wikimedia via Creative Commons (Coloured and open books with glasses), Wikimedia via Creative Commons (Exam hall), Wikimedia via Creative Commons (Cambridge crest)