From A to Z, here is a definitive guide to the alphabet for York students

Featuring Big John, blue sh*ts and BeReals

Whenever I meet up with friends from home, they always ask, “How’s York?” And the only response I have is a perfunctory, “It’s fine,” or a nonchalant, “Good, thanks.” Hopefully, this article, a 26 step journey through the weird and wonderful of York life, will help out, so that next time someone asks, “How’s York?”, you have something a little more interesting to tell them about. So without further ado, here’s an unofficial guide to the alphabet for all York students.

A — Anne Lister

It seems only appropriate to begin a guide to life in York with an iconic gay Yorkshire woman. Dubbed as “the first modern lesbian”,  Anne Lister was born in Halifax (somewhat ironically) in 1791, and in 1805 was sent to be educated in the Manor House School in York, now known as King’s Manor, where she met her first love Eliza Raine. Lister became notorious for sexually explicit diaries which tells us that were she alive now, it would be hard to prize her from Thursday Flares.

B — Blue shit

My entry for A seemed a bit educational, so we’re on more typical student turf with a blue shit for B. A Stone Roses/Lowther classic, the blue shit is often the last remembered debit card purchase on a night out. A mix of three vodka shots and lemonade (and food colouring), the blue shit is usually served with the phrase, “I can’t even taste the alcohol!” These are famous last words, so drink responsibly.

C — CB1

The chariot of fire that takes you to your campus fortress of dreams: the CB1. Apart from this year when it wasn’t running during Freshers’ Week, which wasn’t stressful at all to all of the STYCs and STYMs herding silly freshers home on foot.

D — Drift-in Café

The University of York is populated by many brunchaholics, and Drift-in Café really is the place to go for smashed avocados, poached eggs and fried halloumi. For those who somehow haven’t yet exposed themselves to the Drift-in experience, it’s right next to the Kuda stop on the 66, and definitely worth a visit.

E — Evil Eye

One of the best cocktail bars in York, albeit one of the most expensive. Best saved for special occasions.

F — Fairhurst Building

Less of a study space and more of a playpen for young adults, the Fairhurst Building is a unique third of the library. Whilst Burton is austere and erudite and Morell is studious yet easygoing, Fairhurst is where you go when a friend says, “Shall we study together?” with the intention of doing no studying whatsoever.

G — Green shit

In part two of this miniseries about cocktails with sweary names, the lemonade (and food colouring) has been replaced with Monster to create: The Green Shit, which I will contentiously argue is superior to a blue shit, and gives you the pre-club boost you really need

H — Harry Potter

Whilst Oxford was a filming location, and Cambridge claims to have “Harry Potter vibes”, the Shambles Market in the city centre was actually the inspiration for Diagon Alley.

I — I Tried Every Type of ‘Shit’ to Write This

It’s a hard life being a writer for The Tab.

J — Johnny Depp

Yes, Captain Jack Sparrow himself has been known to dock in York from time to time. It’s rumoured that the aforementioned Evil Eye is a favourite of his, but we’re not sure if he frequents their karaoke nights.

K — Kuda

The marmite of York clubs – some swear by it, some loathe it. I haven’t been since September, that should tell you all you need to know.

L — Lancaster

Once a year, the titans of York face the giants of Lancaster in Europe’s largest inter-university sports tournament. I’m from Lancaster and study at York, so I guess I win and lose every year either way. This year’s tournament has commenced and whilst Roses may not be white well done to everyone who competed!

M — Many, many, many geese

They fly, they defecate, they breed and they honk; and the geese are a mess too.

N — Nine in the morning

Ah, 9am. A time for sleeping, a time for making breakfast, a time for doing some exercise or going for a morning walk. But no. Let’s fill everyone’s timetables with 9am lectures, seminars and workshops. Because that’s just so much better, right?

O — Orange shit

Episode three of the “shit” series sees us consider a triple vodka with Irn Bru. Not for everyone, the orange shit is the best to have when you’ve grown bored of the blue and green variants.

P — Pink shit

The fourth instalment of the Shit Saga, and it’s the newbie: the Barbie-licious Pink Shit. As fabulous as Greta Gerwig’s film from last year, the Pink Shit gives great Kenergy and ranks second for me, just behind the almighty Green.

Q — Queen’s Statue

On 9th November 2022, I, along with three other flatmates, stood in the rain for three hours waiting for King Charles III to arrive and unveil the first statue of Queen Elizabeth II after her death.

R — Red shit

The “shit” finale, and unfortunately it is a shit finale, as the red shit is the weakest member of the shit family. Vimto? Vodka? Maybe it works on paper, but it’s a shit result.

S — Søstrene Grene

A Tab favourite, Søstrene Grene is the go-to place if you like minimalist, aesthetically pleasing, affordable cutlery, crockery and various other decorations. (It’s pronounced “Sos-tron-uh-gren” according to the internet.)

T — Time to BeReal

A selection of your finest York-based BeReals:

U — U would’ve thought this would be quite an easy article, right? But it’s really bloody not

Again, I stress it’s a hard life being writer for The Tab.

V — Vikings

Once invaded by them, York now profits from its history of them with the annual Jorvik Viking Festival.

W — Wednesday Salvos

Nope. Absolutely not. You must be built different for this.

X — Xmas Markets

Once a year, York takes a step closer to being a fairytale with a proliferation of stalls in the city centre selling hot food, Christmas gifts and most importantly, mulled wine.

Y — Ye Olde Starre Inne

“York’s Oldest Licensed Pub” is one of many spots to take family when you’re playing the role of tourist guide for them. Having said that, there are hundreds of pubs in York so you’ll be spoiled for choice.

Z — Ziggy’s

And so this article ends the way Tuesday and Friday nights out tend to – with Ziggy’s. Every now and then, Big John makes a guest appearance: bosh.
Bosh, indeed. And that’s your alphabetical guide to York.