Bristol students’ favourite places to piss on The Triangle

This article is for comedic purposes only. The Tab does not endorse public urination. 100 per cent satire

We’ve all been there; you’re halfway between pre’s and the club but you are just too full of squash and vodka to hold it any longer.

But then, appearing like an oasis in a desert, you spot a lovely little bush just concealed enough to give you the privacy you need. All rationality flies from your head, and before you know it you’re watering those poor plants.

We polled some students on a night out and got their list of famous public toilets on the triangle.

1. Bins by La Rocca

With that neon Rubix cube just appearing into sight and the daunting thought of those tiny toilets, those industrial-sized bins start to look appealing. While your mates chug the rest of their bottles of wine, you have the perfect cover for getting business done.

2. Behind The Brass Pig

We have all at some point had a nightmare in Brass Pig- the girl’s toilets have a queue that reaches the dancefloor every time without fail. It leaves you with a tough decision of whether to hold out and miss 20 valuable minutes of your night out, or to bite that bullet and head to the street.

“The street by piggies is my favourite.”

“An absolute classic; perfect privacy and never been caught!”

What more do you need from a wild wee? The freedom to get back to nature without the fear of being caught in the act.

3. By the Wills Memorial bush

“I like pissing by Wills Memorial because I feel like I’m pissing on the coloniser himself.”

Truer words have never been spoken. What better way to reclaim our city from its messy past than turning the memorial building into your own public toilet?

4. By the Victoria Rooms’ pillars

As a bit of a statement location, only the bravest (or most desperate) students choose the Victoria Rooms. The pillars provide just a bit of privacy and a little adrenaline rush too. With the added risk of being seen, this spot can only be recommended for people looking for an exhilarating piss.

5. Near the BBC building

Now I couldn’t get a reason why this spot is so popular, but in my research, it came up a lot. Maybe it’s the convenient location on the walk home? Or possibly those nice walls and bushes that make it so attractive?

As a warning: this site comes with the added risk of ending up on the Ten O’Clock news.

6. The Church on Whiteladies Road

Now this one might be more controversial, but many students who have chosen not to be named stated that this lovely patch of grass is their favourite place to go. The student community does however take the Sabbath into consideration: “Never on a Saturday night; they have church in the morning”.

7. Alley by Queens Road

All freshers who have badly mistimed their last toilet break in gravity with the arrival of the U1 know the struggle.

Whether to hold it or make the dash behind Howard House and risk missing the bus is a question all silly freshers have pondered. It’s part of Bristol University’s legacy for all students to piss here once.

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