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‘He told me he loved my best friend’: Girls share the times they have been wronged by a Ben

Bens are the new J names of 2023 x


We’ve all been through a Ben stage. Whether it was a draining situationship or a car crash break up, everyone has gone through it and somehow all roads lead to Ben.

Boys whose names didn’t start with the letter J probably thought they were in the clear, but that was until girls began sharing their stories of being wronged by boys called Ben. TikToks have been going viral of girls sharing when they went through a ‘Ben stage’, and honestly, Bens may very well be the new J names of 2023.

A ‘Ben stage’ is usually when you date a guy called Ben and they ruin your life. Somehow every single person has a story about a Ben who did them dirty and it always ticks them off that the Ben in question gets off scot-free. This isn’t to say every single Ben is evil, but here are just some examples of times girls were wronged by a guy called Ben.

‘He said he couldn’t see me anymore because he loved my best friend’

Lacey* told The Tab about the time she found out her Ben was just using her as a rebound for his ex-girlfriend and then did a major U-turn and said he was in love with her best friend. You just couldn’t make this up.

Their relationship started out as a “cheeky friends with benefits” but during their talking stage, he messaged her saying he couldn’t see her anymore because he was in love with her best friend. Thank god for the girl code because she rejected him. Lacey said: “I was a mug and thought I could get him to fall in love with me instead. Things were great for a few months, we really got on like best friends and then my mental health got bad and so he kissed another girl at a work party one night.”

When she found out about the kiss, she realised how bright his red flag really was. “I don’t know why I let him do all that. A J name is a red flag but being called Ben is a red parachute,” she added.

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When she found out about the kiss, she realised how bright his red flag really was. “I don’t know why I let him do all that. A J name is a red flag but being called Ben is a red parachute,” she added.

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♬ original sound – yelenabelovasnewvest🍉🍒🥝

‘He ghosted me for Tinder’

Kira* fell for a Ben despite never having met him. This may sound like an opening script of Catfish UK, but thankfully he was a real person but was a Ben of epic proportions. Kira said: “He love bombed me, became my lockdown support and promised me the world. Then he basically ghosted me for Tinder.”

After Kira moved on, Ben managed to worm himself back into her life and “Uno reversed his opinion” on her. He professed his love for her six months after the ordeal and told her he didn’t want to date anyone else. Kira has shut down any and all advances with Ben, but he still tries his luck and “repeatedly” sends her follow requests on Instagram. Kira said the situation “really messed” with her head.

‘He flirted with me while his girlfriend was away travelling’

In a story about sticking your finger in one too many pies, Julia* reflected on a time when a guy, obviously called Ben, began flirting with her despite him being in a long-term relationship. They both met through mutual friends, went to the pub as a group and had a really good time together. This was until they all went on a night out and Ben began getting “really flirty” with Julia. She told The Tab: “I started not hanging out with him because I found it weird and awkward being around him when it was flirty and I didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.”

Julia even ran away from a club after he had leaned in to kiss her even though he had a girlfriend. Thinking she’d see the end of Ben after graduation, she still saw him on nights out and he was as flirtatious as ever. She said: “I kept seeing him on nights out and he was still acting the same while still being with his girlfriend. He actually asked me on a night out if I was single because he needed ‘something to do’ whilst his girlfriend was away travelling. He is a nightmare.”

‘He brought another girl back to our house’

Melanie* was in a situationship with a guy called Ben for a year and it even went as far as meeting his friends and parents. She lived in the same uni house with him and while she was at work, her other flatmates told her about another girl being round, studying with Ben. At first she thought everything was fine, but then it kept on happening. She said: “This kept happening for like a week and then one night she had gone out with her friends and begged to come to our house. Her friends walked her to our house and she came in, saw me and my housemates and went straight to his room.

“The penny dropped and I was absolutely gobsmacked. I have to hand it to my housemates, they were really supportive about it, and helped me through a lot of it. I had to spend the rest of the year seeing her come over to our house.”

‘He cheated on me and dumped me over an argument’

Cindy* was in a two year relationship with a Ben who cheated on her and even though she took him back, he still up to his old tricks. She said: “He cheated on me which I was a mug to take him back. We were together for two years just for him to end it because we had an argument over his actions. He couldn’t communicate without getting mad at me, it was so immature. He then used me and couldn’t even care less about me even with two years of history.”

*Names have been changed for anonymity.

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