A post-Valentine’s Day cake recipe to keep you in the mood for love

Because heart-shaped cakes should be eaten all year round

It is a well-known fact that the key to someone’s heart is through their arteries – as attested by the Valentine’s aisle, which is still stocked with every chocolate product on the market. But in the awkward period between cuffing season and hot girl summer, where you’ve probably been left wanting a relationship through the winter months but somehow haven’t been able to seal the deal, a cake is needed every day.

Now the time of romance is upon us, and you may well be desperate enough to go beyond a simple milk tray and try something homemade~.

There’s just one problem: you can’t even remotely cook, let alone bake. So what’s a lonely Edinburgh student to do? Cheat. Let’s be honest, as long as there’s no possibility for salmonella, it’s really no one’s business how the food gets to the face of your date/situationship/significant other. It’s the thought that counts.

This recipe deals with the classics to maximise appeal: strawberry, chocolate, cake. From pollock girl fresher to post-grad art-hoe, this cake has you covered. All you need is a trip to the Tesco metro, assemble convincingly, and a second date is yours. So forth and pull the fittie in your life- or if it doesn’t plan out, enjoy a tasty consolation Valentine for one.

Eton mess Mini Gateaux


  • Store-bought cake, cut in half horizontally and into shapes (as adorable as you choose)
  • 5-6 strawberries
  • Around 150ml of double cream
  • 3-4 store bought meringue nests
  • ½ tsp vanilla extract
  • (optional) 100g dark chocolate


Whip cream. (This will take a long time if you don’t have an electric whisk which, let’s be honest, no student actually owns. Whisk until your arm feels like about to fall off. 1-2 minutes after that and it should finally thicken into stiff peaks.)

Chop strawberries into smallish pieces and add to the cream. Crumble in meringue and add the vanilla extract. Mix until combined and spoon or pipe between layers of cake.

For the most beginner of beginners, you can stop here. You’ve fulfilled the brief. Congratulations! You might not die alone.

Optionally, for those with more experience in the kitchen than instant ramen and frozen pizza: melt the dark chocolate and pipe a design on the top of the cakes. A nice, non-desperate message to communicate your feelings may well move you to the relationship tier.

You are now ready to pull whoever your wee heart desires. Have fun, and don’t forget to use protection.

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