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Zorbing and ironing: Here are all of the sports that should be added to Roses this year

Brb, just practicing for competitive sleeping x


Roses 2023 is coming up very soon and with coach tickets now available, many Lancs students will be planning trips to York for the events. But for those of us sat on the sidelines supporting Lancs’ teams, there are probably a few slightly less traditional sports we know we could win – if we had the chance.

Move over football, it’s time to let some of us competitive sleepers have a chance at making Roses red this year. From zorbing to thumb wars, here are all of the sports that definitely should have been added to Roses 2023.

Orienteering

Ah, the bane of every primary school student’s existence. You’re given a map and a compass (which, looking back, we were never really taught how to use) and sent on your merry way through a 100-acre forest (which was really a small field with some bushes and a wooden stile). We all wish we could go back to the simple days of arguing which way up the map goes, and if Orienteering was in Roses we could. Just tell a Lancs student to find their way through the Management School, and their training is complete.

Egg and spoon race

The pressure the egg and spoon races brought to primary school sports days was unmatched. Everyone had their tried and trusted tactic — the person who pretends they’re not holding the spoon with both hands, the one who never takes their eyes off the egg, or the one who legs it for the finish line while praying their old trainers won’t get covered in egg yolk. Egg and spoon races are not for the faint-hearted, and it would be hilarious to see uni students racing to the finish line holding plastic spoons and eggs like their lives depended on it — a definite Roses must-add.

Extreme ironing

Has anyone’s ironing board even left the cupboard? Ironing isn’t really any uni student’s special skill, but imagine all the laundry you could get done if extreme ironing was a Roses sport. It would be the one and only time your jeans get ironed for your whole degree.

LancsAssassins

Via @lancasterassassins on Instagram

This is my official petition to make RosesAssassins a thing. The fear it strikes into the hearts of Lancs students definitely belongs in Roses, and it would be the most popular game of the weekend.

Zorbing

Remember those massive plastic balls that you used to run around in at the school fair? Well, just imagine a team of uni students battling it out on a football field in a bunch of zorbs — the mayhem would be legendary. This is definitely a dream sport for Roses — who wouldn’t want to watch their friends fall over themselves trying to run across a field in a plastic bubble?

Competitive sleeping

Uni students can sleep through early morning seminars like it’s a sport, anyway, so why not get rewarded for our efforts? Competitive sleeping in Roses = valid excuse to sleep all morning.

Thumb war

I may not remember what I revised yesterday, but I still remember the rhyme used for this childhood game. It’s the one classic game that remains constant in everyone’s lives, and has my full support to become a sport for Roses 2023.

Obstacle course

Stick a Greggs voucher at the end, and Lancs would definitely win.

Cycleball

Basically football on bicycles, cycleball would be an instant win for Lancs. With all of the cycle routes dotted around the city, and loads of Lancaster students regularly opting to cycle instead of dealing with the 100 bus, why not put all this practice to good use and make cycleball an official Roses sport?