The official A-Z of all things that make up a Warwick fresher

Q is for questioning the attractiveness of your flatmate

It’s time. The long-awaited Freshers’ Week has finally arrived, and it’s everything you’ve been looking forward to since your exams ended. Have you met your flatmates yet? Clubbed once or twice? Gotten off-your-head drunk and gone for a swim in the lake by Lakeside Village?

If not, then buckle in – here’s the offical A-Z list of all the things that make up a Warwick fresher. Don’t you dare end the week without ticking off each and every single one.

A: Aldi

If you walk just a little further than Tesco, I promise you’ll find that your bank account will thank you profusely. It’s just an extra five minutes. I promise. Just a little ahead. You can do it.

B: Bottle collections in the kitchen

There’s no kitchen that screams “Warwick fresher” like a kitchen stacked with an iconic alcohol bottle collection. They must be lining the windows so everyone who walks past will most definitely look up and go “Wow, these freshers are so cool! They drink so much alcohol!”

C: Coventry

Coventry. Ah, the city of culture. But it’s also the city you want to be leaving before sundown, so just bear that in mind.

D: Dirty Duck

What a funny name for a student pub, I hear you tell yourself. Well, it’s the perfect name for the perfect place on campus. Not an endorsement, but they genuinely do really good burgers. Go treat your hangover with one ASAP.

E: Econ boys

I feel like this needs no further explanation tbh. What more needs to be said? You’ll know when you bump into them – they can smell fear and anyone who “doesn’t know how money works”.

F: Foam Party

Someone decided it was a good idea to get a bunch of excited, desperate freshers in one loud room, soak them up with foam bubbles and get them dancing to Disco Dave. I mean, how else would you spend your evening?

G: Geese

Absolute terrors. My arch-enemies. They’ll come up to you at Lakeside Village, look you up and down, instil  a sharp fear in your soul and drop poop by your feet. True creatures of chaos.

H: Hi! My name is…

Hi! My name is Chris. What’s yours? Oh, that’s nice. What course are you doing? Oh, that’s so cool. I know someone doing that course too actually. Do you know them? No? Actually, yeah, probably not, it’s a big course. Oh well. That’s cool. I’ll see you around!

I: Imagine jumping into the lake

Speaking of Lakeside Village, it takes approximately three shots of vodka and two beers to make the lake there look suddenly very, very appealing. Want to go for a swim? It would be fun.

J: Jumping into the lake

It wasn’t fun. You are cold and shivering and very much ill now.

K: Karaoke

Who wants to hear another drunken rendition of Taylor Swift’s Love Story or yet another track from Mamma Mia’s soundtrack? Well, I’ve got just the thing for you. Head to the Dirty Duck and get your pop-star on.

L: Leamington Spa

A lot nicer than Coventry (in my humble, unbiased opinion) and home to Smack and Neon. Is it a cool place? Yes. Does it involve a long trip that takes your bus through the mountainous regions of Kenilworth to get to? Also yes.

M: Meeting random strangers everywhere

Freshers’ Week is the place to be who you want. There are so many people out there just budding to meet you. But, at the same time, they’re all budding for you to meet them too, so be prepared for a lot of quick hellos and byes and the dreaded “hey, can I have a sip of your drink?”.

N: Neon

As mentioned prior, a classic Warwick fresher club in the depths of Leamington Spa. Just make sure you’ve got an Uber waiting for you after your night.

O: Oculus

One of the coolest buildings on campus, aside from the FAB of course. A really good study space (and nap space), so bear that in mind too. Just kidding, who actually goes to uni to study? Not you guys, that’s for sure.

P: Purple

Genuinely a delicious beverage, and I am acutely aware of my bias. But c’mon – beer and blackcurrant squash and cider just goes so well. Yes, it’s Warwick’s traditional circling drink, but it tastes so good that I don’t even mind chugging it.

Q: Questioning if your flatmate is actually hot, or if you’re just down bad

Personally never me, but you guys stay safe out there. Flatcest is a thing. Is that boy down your corridor really that good-looking, or are you just bored? Is she hot, or are you just desperate and lonely? Be for real please.

R: Rootes bathrooms

Yeah. That’s it. It’s like the Hunger Games plus a zombie apocalypse plus a scene from HBO’s Euphoria all rolled into one here.

S: Societies Fair

Nothing is fair about walking into one giant hall and get yelled at by desperate looking second and third years begging you to join their little clubs. But hey, it’s all part of the experience.

T: T-Bar

The fishbowls. Get the fishbowls. Now. They’re so good, but you’ll be peeing for hours to come. But so, so worth it.

U: U1

The wonderful little bus route from campus to Leamington Spa. It’s a scenic drive at best, but it’s also like being rammed into a sweaty sardine can with the amount of drunken second-years all trying to make it home. But still – it wouldn’t be Warwick without it.

V: Vialli’s

The oasis of Leamington Spa. A divine place of fried chicken, garlic mayo and friendly workers. They’ll start recognising you the more you stumble in, hammered from your club night, desperately searching for that greasy burger meal. It’s a breath of fresh air.

W: Westwood

When you inevitably meet someone from Westwood at a flat party, just take the time to appreciate that they’ve taken three buses, a tram, two boats, a plane and a rollercoaster to get to where you are. They left their own timezone for this motive. But no – they’ll tell you they don’t mind the “15 minute walk” to central campus. Yeah, right. Stop seething.

X: X-rated noises through the wall

I hope you’ve brought headphones with you. The walls here are thin. Very thin.

Y: Year abroad students

You’ll meet a lot of them too, as they’ve come back from their eye-opening year abroad and have made it their absolute mission to tell you how amazing it was. Like I said before, I hope you’ve brought headphones with you. My patience with them is also very thin.

Z: Zeeman building

Literally where is this. You’ll never find it.

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