‘I snogged my flatmate and he threw up in my mouth’ and other Freshers’ Week confessions

The ‘best’ week of our lives, for some of us

Freshers’ Week is infamously a week full of drinking, hook ups and getting sick – or a week of sitting around in Murano because you were underage, if you’re like me. It is usually an all-around tragedy, so here are some of the worst stories, to hopefully make yourself feel better or worse, depending on how badly your week went.

I put a safety pin through my lip outside of Firewater’

So just your usual Firewater activity, then.

‘I slept with a guy who pissed in my bed and all over my room’

This is awful. Like – what the hell. What do you even do after this happens? “No worries, I didn’t like that carpet anyway”. I feel like there should be a handbook on how to deal with this stuff.

‘I slept with the person who lived beside me on the first night’

Does anyone have a successful flatcest story? Please?

‘I slept with my high school ex-boyfriend. We broke up when I was 16’

This was either a touching love story or the most awkward thing ever. I think any high school ex is a red flag though, I know mine are.

‘I snogged my flatmate and he threw up in my mouth’

This makes me feel violently unwell. I want to say that it’s karma for the whole flatcest taboo, but this feels too cruel. I really need to know what happened after this. Did he apologise? Have you spoken since? I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye again, but hopefully you’re stronger than me.

‘A foam party gave my flat chronic conjunctivitis’

Talk about a bonding activity. Did it at least bring you guys together? If there are any 2024 freshers reading – don’t go to the foam party. Learn from our mistakes.

‘I got into my first situationship’

So many great minds that have been lost to the horrors that are situationships. Seriously, what is it about starting university and deciding to ruin ourselves with the “not friends but not dating’” phase. I’ve never seen somebody come out the other side of one without cutting their hair off, or having Conan Gray on their Spotify top artists.

‘Sometimes I just sprinted across the hallway naked after a shower’ 

Yeah, fair enough.

‘I got a concussion in Hive’

I’m seeing a common theme here. Hive is a dangerous place.

‘The people who live below me have the loudest, grossest sex every night’

Aw, I miss living in halls. Kidding. I feel like this is a global experience, trying to fall asleep but next door haven’t quite gotten the message. Have you tried banging on the floor?

‘I forgot my name and address, but somehow got home anyway’

I understand forgetting your address – I barely know mine sober – but your name? That’s a little worrying, but actually kind of impressive. At least you managed to get home, even if you didn’t know who you were.

‘I got drunk and ended up at a river after a paint party’

Sounds like the start of an Eleanor Neale video. Stay safe, club goers.

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