This is what your favourite club song says about you as a Nottingham student

It’s bad news for Ed Sheeran fans

When it comes to student nightlife, Notts trumps any other university destination. From Crisis sports socials to Dirty Monday missions, partying at Pryzm to boogieing at the Bodega, the illustrious clubs of Nottingham have a playlist for every taste. The only information you need to make a holistic judgement on someone’s character is the song that has them dragging their friends onto the dancefloor. So what does your favourite Nottingham club banger say about you?

Chelsea Dagger – The Fratellis

You have impeccable style, and spend your weekdays sauntering around campus sporting headphones that are surgically attached to your ears, smug with the knowledge that everyone fancies you. Every time you’ve been clubbing has been against your will. You attempt to convince your friends it’s because the music is not underground enough, but really you’re hiding from the fourteen people you matched on Hinge because you drastically exaggerated your height on your profile. You’re also posh, maybe even signet ring posh, but you deny it.

Mr. Brightside – The Killers

This song is undeniably a classic, but if Mr. Brightside is your favourite Nottingham club song, you most likely peaked in sixth form and are reminiscing on the house parties you went to at 17. You drink a lot of tea, come from a very sporty family, and adore your close-knit friendship group from home. You have never uttered a singular word in any of your seminars and your people pleaser nature means you avoid sharing your opinion at all costs. Your favourite drink at present is a basic vodka squash and you frequently chun before you’ve even called the Uber.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) – ABBA

You’ve got your life together and your immunity to hangovers is astounding. You never skip your skincare routine after a night out or your gym sessions the next morning, and you will effortlessly stroll into your post-Crisis Thursday 9am with an iced matcha and a big smile. You’re a great gift giver, the president of a society and a Sally Rooney fanatic. Pres are always at your house, and instead of stolen plastic cups, you give all your guests proper gin glasses with a lemon slice each.

I’m Always Here – Jimi Jamison (The Baywatch Theme Song)

For those who are blissfully unaware, Ocean nightclub has a tradition of playing the Baywatch theme, and all the men in the room remove their shirts and swing them round above their heads. So if this is your favourite Nottingham club song, you’re just here to get your rig out, and you’ve probably worked hard on it so more power to you.

Bad Habits – Ed Sheeran

You’re absolutely insufferable. It’s a struggle to believe that this is anyone’s favourite Nottingham club song, but it must have some hardcore supporters to have held its own on the club playlists for so long. If this is you, you probably throw up aggressive gun fingers to the beat of the chorus, causing your friends to deny knowing you. You have never heard of hangxiety, your clubbing uniform is a pair of the skinniest jeans possible, and you likely study a niche Stem subject. This song is a mood destroyer, and should be used as a bathroom break or an excuse to go home before 1am.

Touch – Hybrid Minds, Catching Cairo

You are a hypochondriac, a vegetarian, a hard worker and a member of many societies. The biggest dilemma you have faced in life is whether you’re a gold or silver jewellery person. You have a helix piercing, and auto-capitalisation is disabled on your phone. You’re constantly stressed about if your friends secretly hate you, but really you’re very kind and a hug in human form – everyone loves you. There’s also a big chance that your favourite club night in Notts is Shapes at The Cell, and your favourite shop is Urban Outfitters.

Welcome to Notts – Big Z Kce

You must be a fresher. Welcome to Notts!

Rule the World – Take That

You’re a mummy’s boy with a SO who does all your laundry and cooks all your meals for you. As a result, the only thing you know how to chef up in the kitchen is pesto pasta, or dry chicken with microwave rice. Your favourite chocolate bar is a Yorkie and you definitely study economics or politics. You take great pleasure in causing housemate drama, taking sweaty selfies in the gym mirrors and leaving the toilet seat up. That being said, this song is spectacular and it’s a guaranteed winner for the 3am closing number.

The Grease Megamix – John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John

You’re a theatre kid and you’re tired of being teased about it. This mashup is a regular at Ocean, and so you’re hopelessly devoted to your weekly dips in the big O. You’ve got at least three selfies with the legendary Andy Hoe, all in different costumes because you take the themes of socials seriously. Growing up, you’d look forward to being home alone so you could put karaoke videos on YouTube and sing your heart out. On multiple occasions, your housemates have resorted to begging you to stop belting show tunes while they’re trying to watch a movie in the next room. You also probably bake a lot, and own a pair of dungarees.

Afterglow – Wilkinson, Becky Hill

You are involved in an intimate relationship with your Elf Bar and spend your afternoons skipping lectures to hit the charity shops in Beeston. Nothing is a taboo topic for you and you have a habit of oversharing. Morning debriefs with you are a collection of feral stories that have all your housemates in stitches. You know all the best spots in the city centre for cocktails and first date locations, and you’ve lived many lives, making you the designated friend for big sister advice.

Temperature – Sean Paul

The best has most certainly been saved until last. If Temperature is your favourite Nottingham club song, you are simply better than everyone else; you’re categorically the best kind of person. You’re the life and soul of every party, the epitome of sex appeal and your friendship group’s most fun-loving member. When Sean Paul said “me haffi flaunt it becah me God bless out” you took it personally. The world is a better place because you’re in it so never stop dancing to this song with the outrageously passionate intensity it deserves.

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