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These are the housemates of horror you’ll encounter at uni in Newcastle

Flatmates by chance, friends by choice…


Student living, mostly pleasant and fun, can also mean residing with unexpected characters, turning living situations into a living hell.

From the biscuit bandit to the party girl, living with students means you’ve seen it all. Brace yourself for the comical chronicles of nightmare housemates. Maybe you’ve lived with them, or maybe you are one… Here are all the horrific housemates you’ll come across at university in Newcastle.

The digestive muncher

We all have one housemate who cannot be trusted around sweet treats that’ve been left out. In my house, this transpired around the petty theft of four packs of chocolate digestive biscuits within the space of two weeks.

The culprit? We will never know (we do know). The housemate who rightfully owned these said digestives foolishly left them out not knowing they would fall victim to a free-for-all. No luxury is safe in a house full of broke students, her trust in humanity now as fragile as a biscuit dipped in tea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Picture this, within an hour of the first pack of digestives being purchased the silent snatcher strikes! The packet is open, and the first two biscuits are gone whilst the owner is tucked in bed – all that remains is an empty mug with a sad-soaked Yorkshire Tea bag covered in the crumbs of dishonesty.

As the days go on, and the packets become increasingly vacant, rumours begin to spiral around the house after the victim sends a message on the group chat: “Guys ngl someone’s been stealing my digestives, I’ve literally had none and I bought them”.

It is now a game of Cluedo; everyone has their suspicions, I shall refrain from naming names (for dramatic effect, of course), but let it be known that the culprit walks among us.

Dear students, consider this a public service announcement: Your biscuits are not safe. Repeat, NOT SAFE. Leaving them unattended is akin to placing a juicy steak in front of a hungry lion and expecting it to be there when you return. It’s a jungle out there, and your biscuits are the prey.

The party girl: An ode to the unapologetic night owl

In the wild world of house-sharing, especially in Newcastle, you will inevitably reside with a party animal. In other words, the person who never wants the night to end thus, brings the club home at 4am nightly, forgetting others might not share the same love for late-night shenanigans. Those 9am lectures? Well, they turn into a distant memory as the Party Dynamo hits the Toon.