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This is exactly what I would give each Durham college for Christmas

Have you been naughty or nice?


Tis finally the season! With only 27 sleeps left till Christmas, gift shopping mayhem has begun. This means it is only fitting to assign each college a gift that they deserve after the year that 2023 has been. From signet rings to gifting the world if we could, keep reading to find what you deserve…

Aidan’s – A stairlift

With a staircase of 85 steps being your most convenient way to get into your college, you were slightly given the short end of the stick. No one should have to walk up all those stairs after a day full of lectures and in the Durham cold. With some of us even forgetting you guys exist, it’s the least you guys deserve.

Butler – Hiking gear

As a Butler student, I really do believe this would come in handy. Being at the top of the hill is rough and struggling up South road is not a pretty sight for anyone to see. This gift would also give Butler students support in their favourite past time, running around and around the mound, of course!

Castle – Signet rings and quarter zips

Apologies for being stereotypical but, apart from a very limited few of you actually living in the castle and having a very pretty bar, these are the basis of your personalities. But honestly you guys can never seem to have enough quarter zips and with a signet ring under the tree, you can keep blinding us all with them shining in the (rare) Durham sun.

Chads – The world (If we could)

You’re everyone’s favourite Bailey college. You have a gorgeous bar, the best college drink, every one of you are so lovely and you all have a perfect balance of going out and maintaining top grades. You all have earned the world and that’s a fact.

Collingwood – Sports equipment

It’s common knowledge that you guys are the sportiest college and the majority of you are DU team members, so definitely believe you could do with being gifted some supplies and we know they would get put to very good use over there.

Cuths – A Jack Edwards meet and great

It’s common knowledge that you guys are the sportiest college and the majority of you are DU team members, so definitely believe you could do with being gifted some supplies and we know they would get put to very good use over there.

Cuths – A Jack Edwards meet and great

The thing that no wants but gets stuck with anyway, sort of like being reallocated to Greys. Sorry but you know, ‘grey by name, grey by nature’.

Hatfield – Skis

We all know that most of you are about to go and spend your Christmas’ at your chalets and we’ll be hearing all about your skiing get aways for the first three weeks of term so, a fresh pair of skis seems only fitting.

Hild Bede – some publicity (sorry)

Brutal I know but this is my second year here and I, nor anyone it seems, know where you guys are or know more than two or three people from there. Some publicity is exactly what you guys deserve to up your credit.

Johns – Bibles

As the most religious college this does seem only right. Although I would argue to give you guys some builders to redo your bar and make your ceiling higher. As it is a great shame that no one over 5’2 can fit in there.

Marys – Jane Austin books

As previously being Durham’s female only college, you have the right to all the feminist energy that you can get.

Snow – Cars

As Oprah Winfrey once said, “you get a car, you get a car. everybody gets a car”. You guys are so far from everything, being all tucked up and away at the top of the hill and with a bar that seems to always close early you definitely need all the help to be connected to other colleges that you can get.

South – A mega phone

Since your beginning as Durham’s newest college in 2020 you guys have proved time and time again you will make your opinions heard, As you should! This would only make you rightfully louder and you’ll be heard from the top of the hill all the way to the Bailey.

Stevo – Thomas the tank engine toys

Just sticking to the train theme you have going on, as it’s what George Stephenson would’ve wanted for you guys. Maybe you can even “park” the toys on all your different platforms!

Trevs – a primary school lesson in 2D shapes

The entire of Durham are still in constant confusion with your obsession of hexagons and I’ve come to the conclusion that your architect never actually passed their primary school shapes lesson.

Van Mildert – Bread

If we are honest the only interesting thing about you are your ducks and pond, otherwise you’d always be in Trevs’ shadow. So something needs to keep your ducks feed in order to keep you lot relevant.

Ustinov – Spa treatments