string(9) "newcastle"

If you’ve done any of these eight things in the Toon, you’re officially on the naughty list

6. Gone out on a Wednesday


As much as we won’t admit it, it’s hard to keep the magic of Christmas alive at uni. You’ve got too many assignments on your plate, presents don’t really exist (unless you count the advent calendar you may or may not have received from your mum), and the weather is just bloody miserable. Don’t get me wrong, the Christmas markets are very cute and it’s nice to whack some Wham on in the morning, but there’s only so much festivity and PDA a person can take this time of year. On that cheerful note, let’s take a look at the following eight things in the Toon which guarantee you a spot on Santa’s naughty list:

1. Cut the Shaker queue

There’s a special place for people who do this and it’s much worse than the naughty list. I just want to know the thought process behind being the most inconsiderate person in Newcastle. I hope you get coal in your stocking.

2. Witnessed someone fall down the Soho stairs and laughed/walked away

Again, pure evil. Perhaps this is a personal vendetta against those who’ve wronged me in the past, but even so. How can you not just lend a helping hand? Or ask if I’m still breathing? You’re the definition of a bystander.

3. Broken the rules of silent study

Now, this. This is the definition of naughty list, you absolute rebel.

In all seriousness, there is simply no excuse to break the code of conduct in silent study. There are rules for a reason and there’s also a collab room for a reason. Read the sign, you silly goose.

4. Never payed full price for a metro ticket

A personal pet peeve of mine which guarantees you a spot on the naughty list. In fact, I hope karma comes in the form of a high vis man and a £50 fine.

5. Taken a full booth to yourself

Much like your pitiful study sessions, I hope you spend Christmas alone.

It’s not even the fact you’ve taken the comfiest booth in the room, it’s the fact you haven’t even disguised your selfishness. At least manspread your things across the desk to make it look like you’ve got friends coming.

6. Gone out on a Wednesday

No explanation needed. This deserves more than just a slap on the wrist.

7. Not FaceTimed your mum/dog in about a month

Straight to the top, you monster.

8. Repeatedly walked in the cycle lane

JAIL.