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Just 23 dreaded questions you’ll be asked as a Newcastle student this Christmas

Please can we play Charades instead?


I love Christmas just as much as the next pale, cold and underfed Newcastle student. However, what I do not love during this festive season is the amount of questions asked by relatives across the dinner table. There’s just absolutely no need to discuss my dating life or VK addiction whilst stuffing my face with pigs in blankets. Sure, it can be quite comical at times but for the most part, it’s just exhausting. Fortunately, I won’t be interacting with any of my extended family members this Christmas, however, I do sympathise with those who are and as such, I give you the following 23 questions you’ll likely be asked at the dinner table:

1. ‘So, how’s the degree going?’

Not good, Nan. Not good at all.

2. ‘You should probably start thinking about what’s after, you know?’

More of a statement than question, but thanks for that wonderful insight. I’ll update the LinkedIn right now.

3. ‘What about a Master’s? Any thoughts?’

None at all.

4. ‘How’s the liver?’

Oh do sod off.

5. ‘Any nice boys/girls in Newcastle?’

If I could kiss, marry or kill a question, I would absolutely murder this one.

6. ‘Have you bumped into that musician you like?’

Yes, I’m actually in a house share with Sam Fender.

7. ‘You look healthy…the Toon been treating you well?’

Code for: “You’ve been making use of Greggs!”

8. ‘Did you know Sting was originally from Newcastle?’

You tell me every year.

9. ‘How was the journey down?’

Asides from LNER being absolutely rammed with Edinburgh students, it was delightful thanks.

10. ‘Where do you recommend visiting? I hear Whitley Bay is lovely’

A people-pleaser amongst the aunties.

11. ‘How’s Jesmond? Apparently that’s where the money is’

Not sure, maybe ask my landlord?

12. ‘Is it actually grim up North?’

No, that’s just Leazes.

13. ‘Did you know Blackadder went to Newcastle?’

Yep, Mr Bean actually studied electrical engineering.

14. ‘What are you doing your dissertation on?’

The dreaded question which will make any Newcastle student get up and actually clear the table.

15. ‘When’s your graduation? Maybe we can get tickets’

I don’t even know when my dissertation’s due let alone graduation.

16. ‘Are you keeping active?’

Oh most definitely.

17. ‘Martin Luther King Jr visited the uni once didn’t he?’

Obviously you already know that. Why the need to ask?

18. ‘Are you planning on getting a part-time job?’

In other words: “I managed to juggle a job and uni at your age”.

19. ‘How’s the cooking going? Are you still finding it difficult?’

Well I haven’t burned the house down yet, so that’s a positive!

20. ‘Any New Year’s resolutions?’

Graduating sounds like one to me.

21. ‘Is the standard of teaching good then?’

So good that they often stand outside campus with pink banners and stickers.

22. ‘Is the angel bigger in person?’

This doesn’t deserve a serious response.

23. ‘All in all, was it worth it then?’

We’ll wait for the 2:1 before answering that.