A roundup of the worst 12 moments in my Manchester uni house this year

I wish I was kidding about a lot of these

As 2023 draws to a close, I have been reflecting on how it is possible for there to be more horrors in my house than there are months in the year. So, I have compiled a list, a moment for each month, to depict the 12 worst moments in my Manchester uni house this year.

1. Post house party messes

We had a house party in first years which from what my booze addled mind can remember was a good time, but the morning after we found carnage we hadn’t thought possible, one of my flatmates kitchen cupboards had been raided, with items littered all over the house, we even found his favourite mug resting on the roof of our house the next day.

2. My second year house resembling a tip

I’m talking stained smelly fridges, skidders in the toilets and a trashed living room. When I signed up for student living, I don’t think I signed up for this.

3. The bins

There are a few things that can break real friendships, but the bin rota proves to this day to be one of them.

Not knowing about the new bin system in the beginning of second year really proved to be a bad mistake when we discovered they wouldn’t be picked up for another two weeks, in the middle of summer, during a heatwave.

4. Our toilet flusher handle constantly falling off

This has happened twice already this year, and when you are sharing three toilets between ten and this becomes two between ten, life becomes substantially more inconvenient.

5. Constantly being crushed by the cabinet above my bed

I’ve asked for the landlords to replace it no less than three times and they never do. It is very heavy, and feels like when of those risks that really cannot be ignored, unless of course you’re a student landlord – in which case this doesn’t come up on your radar.

6. The crab murderer

A flatmate in first year bought a live crab to eat but forgot to tell anyone. He left this live crab in the fridge only to be discovered by another, very alarmed flatmate. Said flatmate then went outside and killed it on the concrete outside.

7. Fishfingergate

In first years, one of my flatmates stole my fishfingers without asking me, and put them in the oven. They cooked them to a crisp and then just left them in the oven for us to find two days later. The flat stank of the stuff for days.

8. Flooding

In first year our showers were prone to leaking and flooding the bathroom floor, which was a nightmare, and also ruined many good pairs of shoes and socks, which as a student is one of the worst things that could happen.

9. Black mould

I didn’t open my window for a few days because A) cold, and B) spiders, and when I pulled back my curtains a few days later, surprise surprise there was the wall covered in black mould. It explained why I couldn’t sleep properly and the mysterious sniffles I had.

10. No warm tap water

Okay, my flat had it less bad than the people next door as they had no hot water in their showers, but for someone like me who was reasonably new to cooking chicken, a meat known for causing salmonella, this was a bit of a nightmare, how are you supposed to clean your chopping board or your dishes without hot water? More to the point, we didn’t have dishwasher so there was a distinct lack of alternatives!

11. Mice

The mere mention of these tiny creatures is enough to send most uni students into a panic at the thought of them taking up residence in their houses. My house and I lived this. As we moved into our second year house we often heard unexplainable noises like scratching at night but we couldn’t pinpoint what was causing it. It was maybe two weeks in when we discovered the critters. I think I had it worst because they were running around the walls of my room behind my bed so I couldn’t sleep due to their noise.

12. The oven exploding

I’ve saved the worst until last. The worst thing I’ve experienced in a uni house is this, the fuse blew repeatedly the entirety of my first year in Manny. The first time was the worst because the fuse burst, there was a sudden flash of light as it sparked out. It was terrifying. The oven then continued to blow throughout the year and every few weeks we would have to go without an oven for a few days. It was not only terrifying, but also very inconvenient.

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