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Six ways to procrastinate exam season in the Toon

Did someone say Beveragino?


Now that Christmas is well and truly over, it’s time to focus on the much less festive season ahead: Deadlines. Whether you’re cramming for in-person exams or submitting a PEC left and right, panic mode is soon to set in. Lucky for you, however, there’s one thing us Newcastle students all have in common and it comes in the form of procrastination.

Realistically though, why start your 3,000 word essay a month prior when you have 24 hours to spare the day before? Why stress over your literature review when your diss is probably already on track for a Desmond? It just makes no sense and I think we can all agree that there’s nothing more patriotic than a half-arsed session in the Phil Rob followed by a celebratory red pint in The Hancock next door. On that note, let’s take a look at the six best ways to procrastinate exam season in the Toon:

1. Wallow like you’ve never wallowed before

Wallowing is arguably the best thing a student can do in the lead up to exams. Sure, there’s some self-pity involved, but what’s better than putting on your best Oodie, cracking open a tub of reduced celebrations and dodging the TV license reminder on BBC iPlayer? Exactly.

2. Get your steps in

For those wanting to do something more productive yet just as time-consuming, perhaps aim to get your 10k steps in. Beneficial to both the mind and body, this is a brilliant alternative to completing your assignments and you can track it all on Strava like the psychopath you probably are.

3. Talk to/at the housemates

Unless they live on campus 24/7, then housemates are the best people for the job. Put simply, they’re that much-needed brick wall which you can talk to for hours on end. Whether it’s a debrief about New Year’s antics or a discussion about where to go on holiday, housemates are procrastination in human form. For those confined to the walls of their childhood home, the same rules apply with the family dog.

4. Go to the pub

A pretty obvious one for the average Newcastle student, however, there are more productive ways to enhance your weekly pub trip. A Sunday quiz, for example. Not only will you be able to drink your sorrows away, but you’ll also be testing your general knowledge (or lack of, I should say). On top of this, there’s the classic £2 Tuesday. What better way to improve your eye for detail than by people-watching along Osborne Road?

5. Deep clean the house

The perfect excuse to finally get on the phone with your incompetent landlord and sort out the mould which has been in your house since the day you moved in. Alternatively, take matters into your own hands and purchase a lovely tapestry to disguise said green monstrosity. Side note: Yes, that is a real photo and no, I didn’t get black lung.

6. Meal prep for the week ahead

Cupboards almost as empty as the bank account? Perhaps a trip to big Tesco is in order (post-student loan drop, of course). Although I would personally never think to do this, meal prepping is an incredibly productive waste of time and you’ll be able to focus on one single dish instead of that dreaded diss x