Would your Valentine’s date survive the apocalypse? Boom Battle Bar edition

I went to Boom Battle Bar to put my date to the test!

Would your Valentine’s Day date survive the apocalypse, or would they be tasty grub for those undead within a matter of minutes? The best way to find out is through a series of Boom Battle Bar’s best challenges. That’s right, the bar smack bang in the centre of Bournemouth, sitting pretty under the Nando’s and Odeon Cinema. This bar will unleash the beast (or inner loser) in your date through – chucking sharp, metal objects, skimming a round magnetic object against a sanded board, and drinking your way to glory whilst rubbing your wins in the loser’s face.

Round one – surviving sober conversation

The biggest challenge of all, talking to your date sober before you chuck an axe at wood for 30 to 60 minutes. Don’t worry, if they’re snoozing you to death you can sit with your Pepsi Max and listen to some of their banging tunes blaring through the speakers. If all fails, take notes knowing this will be a good place for bottomless brunch with the girls so you can drink your poor date away.

Luckily for me, my date was in a good mood. Though, I mark that down to her cockiness regarding the rounds to come.

Round two – throwing literal axes

Arguably, the most important tactic for surviving an apocalypse is being able to defend yourself. Throwing some axes is the best way to assess your date’s aim, strength, bravery and accuracy… or just to laugh in their face as they lob the axes anywhere but the target.

Despite my great attempts at heckling my girlfriend, she still managed to come out victorious. During the apocalypse, it seems that I would most likely get eaten alive and accept my dreary fate. I clearly have no athletic skill when it comes to throwing objects at a clearly signed target. Nice one!

Round three – logic, skill and athleticism… or is it just shuffleboard?

The difference between shuffleboard and curling is a stick. A big stick used to push things. Please don’t share this if you actually know what this game entails, I’m a humble beginner. However, you can see if your date would be able to logically manoeuvre and fight off a possible zombie invasion.

Would they risk it all or think it through? Would they use too much strength and take it too far, or just enough for the victory?

Thanks to cheating my way to a gold medal and a lack of knowledge on how this game is actually played, I managed to win this one. Guess who is the smarty-pants now? I may not be able to fight off the undead creatures who may snack on me for dinner… but, I’m optimistic in thinking I may outwit them. I can’t say the same for my date.

Round four – thirst for survival?


The final test… Let’s find out how your date refuels their energy tank after a vigorous fight against the undead. Do they indulge in chicken wings, rum, a pint or nachos? Or do they suffer in a silent hangry, dehydrated rage? In the apocalypse, I think the starving would be the first to go, and arguably, everyone has more survival instincts after a pint or two.

Anyway, I know you were panicking about me but rest assured, after my great efforts I managed to quench my thirst with a well deserved cider… or two. I even got a pretty view… which was watching the Saracens game. I think my date and I would only survive the apocalypse together. Individually, we would be gonners (especially her). This may bode well for our budding romance, but we will be back and I will update this piece to boast about my achievements. I would like to make it known to the world that I am the amazing human/genius (bonus points if you get the reference).

TOP TIP: If the price puts you off, or your date is simply too cheap, every Monday there is 50 per cent off all games and two for one on food and drinks

Related stories recommended by this writer:

Here are six things you’ll only know if you’ve lived in Bailey Point

This is what British band you belong in based on your Bournemouth University degree

An unofficial list of the top 10 iconic Bournemouth BeReal moments we’ve all taken