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PSA final years: Here’s five signs you’re too old for clubbing

Third years listen up


Let’s be honest, the excitement of clubbing in Notts can quickly dwindle as you approach third year. Rock City just doesn’t hit the same as it did when you were a fresher, and ‘Crisis’ probably refers to your emotional state while researching your diss and not the Wednesday night out we all know and love.

Despite this glaring signs, us OAPs still give it our best shot. Clubbing can be responsible for some of your best uni memories, so if you love it, keep doing it…just don’t look at other people’s IDs in club queues. So, if you need a sign to slow down on clubbing, here are five ways to tell you might just be getting too old for it.

1. You can’t be bothered to leave the pres

We all know pres can easily be the best part of a night out, but if you’re filled with dread when someone says ‘Shall we order the Uber?’, you’re getting too old for the club. Sitting on the sofa in your ugg slippers sipping squashka from a coffee mug is symbolic of the grandma-lifestyle you really want to be living. The solution is to stop committing to buying tickets until you’re sure you’re up for it.

2.  You can’t do shots anymore

If you’re consuming more lattes from the Hallward vending machine than Jägerbombs these days, you’re definitely in your 20s and getting blackout at Unit 13 every Friday is a distant memory from the past. If a vodka shot doesn’t sit quite right in your stomach, or even comes back up then you just can’t hack the night out anymore.

3.  You’re hungover after three pints

After a mid-week Sheaves trip, your average notts student recovers quickly, definitely going to their lectures next day and probably hitting David Ross in the afternoon. If you have a couple of pints at the pub, and require lemsip the next morning, please reevaluate your life and probably steer clear of the clubs. Maybe start thinking about your pension instead.

4. You don’t get ID’ed anymore

The first time you’re in Tesco buying an elf bar or a six-pack and the staff member behind the till doesn’t ask you to produce your driving license from your phone case is, from experience, a gutting life milestone. What’s more gutting is queuing up for The Cell that evening and the boy in front of you producing an ID with 2006 written on it. It has to be some kind of sick joke. 2006.

5. You always want to leave the club

Ok, this is pretty self explanatory. If you’re guilty of yawning in the club when Firework by Katy Perry plays for the fourth time, or thinking about being tucked up in bed the whole time, just give up. Checking the time on your phone or desperately making a house with your hands to show your friends you want to go home is a sad sight. It’s not even 2am and you’re exhausted – your 18 year old self is disappointed in you.

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