University College London to implement an Elf Bar ban on campus

RIP my dearly loved kiwi passionfruit guava, you will be missed


Elf Bars will be banned on and around UCL’s campuses as part of a new regulation rolling out after Easter.

UCL’s existing No Smoking Policy currently prohibits smoking on and within five metres outside campus buildings but “permits vaping in open spaces.”

The incoming rule, however, now includes vaping on campus and regulates it the same way as smoking. People being caught smoking vapes on and around the uni will now be subjected to “a fine of up to £200.”

UCL’s Elf Bar ban comes after a survey by The Tab found that one in four London students believe they’re addicted to these disposable vapes (shocker).

This alone might not be a bad thing, since vapes are generally thought of as a healthier alternative to smoking, being 95 per cent less harmful than cigarettes, every cloud.

Jackson New, a second year public health student at UCL who has been addicted to nicotine since he was 15, said: “I need to puff on my vape every two minutes otherwise I start to feel withdrawal symptoms. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to cope.” Personally, I’m sure I could quit whenever I want, but that’s just me.

And aside from any health consequences, some students are just unhappy with how these disposable vapes “took over” campus and impacted their daily lives and studies.

Andy Liverbal, an incoming English literature fresher, also said: “I’m glad UCL has taken the critical step of removing these misleadingly-named vapes from its prestigious academic environment. Elves are important figures in mythology and should not be associated with the disgusting smell of artificial grapes.” Definitely a Lord of the Rings fan, aren’t we all?

Liam Felton, a third year PPE student said: “I get banning cigarettes because they smell so bad. But vapes smell nice and the smoke clears so I just don’t understand why they have to be banned. I am never coming into campus again. Vaping is a lifestyle and they can’t stop me!”

April Furs, a Master’s student in Ophthalmology, told The London Tab: “I can’t believe it’s taken the uni this long to introduce a ban like this. So many people vape on campus that I can barely see because of the smoke in the air. I’m just happy I’ll finally be able to see where I’m going.”

Well April, your prayers have been answered. But we’re definitely going to see everyone five metres away from the Student Centre next term. Happy vaping x

You might wanna check the date, you April Fools x

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