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Yubo, Crisis, and Nando’s: Notts students told us their Valentine’s horror stories

Jumpscare warning x


It’s that time of year again and love is in the crisp Lenton air. Sainsbury’s local has run out of roses, everyone’s Instagram stories are making me throw up in my mouth a bit, and extravagant Galentine’s plans are underway. Whether you’re smugly loved up or single as can be this Valentine’s Day, take solace in the fact that you aren’t any of these people…

‘Pulled at Crisis Valentines and had to peek at his ID in the morning to remember his name.’

Clubbing on Valentine’s Day is a risky move because you can almost guarantee pretty much anybody who is in a relationship is not going to be there, leaving a sea of sweaty, sexually charged singletons on the prowl. But everyone deserves a post night out cuddle regardless of your relationship status. Most seasoned Nottingham students would struggle to name half their CRISIS kiss list, so checking the ID is smart and I like your style.

‘My ex cheated on me on Valentine’s day at a house party he uninvited me from. We met on yubo.

I had never heard of Yubo, but apparently it’s like Tinder for teenagers. Not sure how legally sound that is, and not surprised that the kind of boy one would meet on there would end up displaying this sub-optimal behaviour. How does one simply uninvite their girlfriend from a house party? I would love to know what lies he conjured up to excuse this U-turn. 

‘I found out my boyfriend had an active account on Bumble and he only got two matches.’ 

Two matches is mortifying. The man can’t even cheat well. You’d hope that if you’re going to stoop as abysmally low as to cheat on your partner, you’d at least gain a bit of a boost to the ego. Also who even uses Bumble? People on there are the most desperate of dating app users – I’d take this one to the grave. 

‘I’ve now had a relationship end every year around Valentines for 4 years straight.’

There’s something about Valentine’s Day that causes the most colossal of arguments among couples. It’s likely down to the pressure to make your partner feel extra loved, and vitally, how much effort your partner goes to to make you feel loved and appreciated in return. If that’s lacking on either side it can be a big punch to the gut. Being single on Valentine’s Day is bad enough, but being newly single on Valentine’s Day is on another level, especially if you’re unfortunate enough to be surrounded by wifed up lovebirds. Once I sat in my uni room alone, eating too many pistachios and listening to my two flatmates and their partners in the kitchen giggling while they cooked for each other on Valentine’s Day. Allegedly I cried. So I feel you, and I hope you’re okay x

There’s something about Valentine’s Day that causes the most colossal of arguments among couples. It’s likely down to the pressure to make your partner feel extra loved, and vitally, how much effort your partner goes to to make you feel loved and appreciated in return. If that’s lacking on either side it can be a big punch to the gut. Being single on Valentine’s Day is bad enough, but being newly single on Valentine’s Day is on another level, especially if you’re unfortunate enough to be surrounded by wifed up lovebirds. Once I sat in my uni room alone, eating too many pistachios and listening to my two flatmates and their partners in the kitchen giggling while they cooked for each other on Valentine’s Day. Allegedly I cried. So I feel you, and I hope you’re okay x

My toxic trait is that I actually think this is cute. As long as you were playfully bickering and not actually at war with one another, I think a bit of a married-couple-style squabble is quite sweet and shows that you’re comfortable. 

‘Took me out to Nando’s then made me pay.’

For god’s sake. This might be controversial but Nando’s is the most bog standard scran any British chain restaurants have to offer. It’s just really not that good, and it certainly doesn’t scream Valentine’s Day date. If that’s the level of effort he’s putting in on the reserved day of the year for going unapologetically all-out soppy, he deserves a dumping.

‘His ex crashed our date…’

I’m going to need the juicy details please. How did she know where you were? Was he in contact with her? How new was your relationship? What was your reaction? Was there blood shed? DM me I must know

Related articles recommended by this author:

Here are the best places to cry on UoN campus as a bitter singleton this Valentine’s Day

• Lenton love stories: What the road you live on says about your love life

• All the best ways to spend Valentine’s or Galentine’s in Notts