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Right, so now someone has come forward and is claiming to be the Oxford Uni poo culprit

‘The cleaners have seen worse, it’s their job to clean it’


In a story that keeps getting more and more bizarre, somebody has come forward claiming to be the mysterious Oxford poo culprit.

In a post uploaded to Oxford student confessions page, Oxfess, the alleged offender claimed a combination of “feeling under the weather” and new medication wreaking havoc on their internal plumbing led to the heinous crime.

Students at University College were emailed yesterday morning after a student left a poo in the ground floor bathroom of the historic Oxford college.

Shane Pledge, the accommodation and facilities officer, threatened students living in the building with a collective £1,000 fine if the culprit didn’t come forward and the mess wasn’t cleaned up.

He described the incident as “repulsive behaviour” which went “beyond the bounds of what could be considered reasonable”.

Leaving students with gloves and cleaning products, the college officer told students, cleaners would not refuse to do any other cleaning in the building until the incident was resolved.

Desperate for answers, the JCR president stepped up last night and vowed to do “everything in my power to bring the perpetrator of this egregious crime to justice”.

His highly forensic investigation concluded the incident was an “episode of uncontrolled and involuntary bowel movements”, adding: “The substance was, at one point, liquid.”

“Judging by the direction of flow, the perpetrator ran out of the area while the episode was ongoing.”

It appears his thorough investigation might have some truth to it. The alleged poo culprit said they had just had a shower when they fatally attempted to “follow through on a fart”.

Explaining why they left the poo for others to find, they said: “I literally ran out as quickly as I could because I was absolutely mortified.

“I tried to go back but I was terrified of being seen whilst cleaning the dirt that I’d expelled earlier, so I ended up having a full blown panic attack.”

The alleged poo offender vehemently disagrees with the response of the college, describing University College as being “completely out of order”.

They said: “The cleaners have seen worse… I’m sick of it. It’s their job to clean it.”

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