These are the UK unis the winter Love Island 2023 cast would go to, based on pure vibes

Samie is so Newcastle it hurts

Loads of the winter Love Island 2023 cast went to uni – Kai apparently has three degrees, and Tanya is a student at Salford right now. This lot are truly both beauty and brains, but looking at their LinkedIns and degree certificates doesn’t tell us one thing: what UK university the Love Island 2023 cast really belong in, based on both their and the uni’s overall vibes.

When you think about it, uni is a lot of just arguing over cleaning rotas, necking VKs and committing flatcest – and Love Island is pretty much the same, just swap VKs for those Prosecco glasses that they have in the villa. Here’s what the cast of Love Island 2023 would be like at university, and the uni they definitively should have gone to based on their overall vibe:

Samie – Newcastle

Look me in the eyes and tell me Samie doesn’t belong in Newcastle. Go on, I dare you. Samie is such a vibe and you can tell she’d be so much fun on a night out, so where else best to be than Newcastle? She would absolutely thrive in Jesmond, she’d have that coveted brown North Face puffer and make everyone in the Toon jealous.

Samie would put in the effort to organise a big girls’ night out every week, with a banging pres and an incredibly well-thought-out playlist. She’d have a whole corner cleaned and ready with a good background and nice lighting for Insta pics, and would thrive on being the one to order the Uber and shout at everyone to “go and wee RIGHT NOW because the taxi’s coming!!!”

Tom – Loughborough

When Tom went into a sulk because his team lost the silly little Love Island sports day, I knew there was only one university for him – Loughborough. The notoriously sporty uni, Tom would be social sec of the football society and get a little bit too competitive about absolutely everything. For Tom, the only drawback about Loughborough would be having to trek to Nottingham for a good night out, but you can bet he would go wild for Notts Pryzm and would love bumping into Kai there. Speaking of…

Kai – Nottingham

I love Kai and I hope he and Sanam are together forever, but there’s no getting around the fact that he’s pretty bang-average in vibe, and what uni screams bang-average? Nottingham. It’s a good uni, it’s a fun night out, but is there anything actually very defining about it? No.

Nottingham just feels like a safe and standard uni option, and it’s the perfect place for Kai to learn how to be a teacher whilst spending the majority of his time pursuing his main passion – playing for the uni’s rugby team and generally just being a BNOC.

Sanam – Manchester

Sanam is (probably) the most successful Casa Amor Islander of all time. She’s a huge vibe and big main character energy, and no other uni is more this than Manchester.

Sorry but crying on command is the funniest Love Island talent show talent ever, it’s bloody iconic and Sanam would definitely use her skills to convince Manchester bouncers to let her and her mates back in to clubs after they’ve all been kicked out at 2am. Winter Love Island’s unproblematic queen, she’s a Fallowfield girlie through and through. Sanam would go out every other night but still somehow manage to make every single 9am and graduate with a First.

Lana – York

Wholesome girls’ girl Lana belongs in York, a uni which is so wholesome that the thing it’s most famous for is having a duck with a very long neck that lives on campus. She’d be the housemate who does all the girlies’ hair and makeup before every night out and she would always let you raid her wardrobe when you can’t decide what to wear. Lana is house mum through and through, her room would be covered in fairy lights and she’d make a colour-coordinated cleaning rota every term.

Ron –  York St John

I can’t imagine Ron outside of Essex, and why would he leave when his family lives in a boujee and ginormous house? Therefore the only uni Ron would possibly go to is York St John, so he can be near Lana.

If they weren’t on Love Island, Ron and Lana give me the energy of a couple who meet at a year 10 house party and from then on are inseparable, going to neighbouring unis and living together from second year because being apart in halls (a whole 17-minute walk from each other) was too hard. Ron would write every uni essay in one singular all-nighter the day before it’s due in, fuelled by energy drinks from the corner shop.

Jessie – Bristol

I feel like Jessie would be the housemate you lose in the club but then somehow find again in the queue for the kebab shop four hours later. She would lose her key every other week, but you can’t help but love her because she’s just so fun to live with and would always give your ex a glare if you saw them across campus. Jessie would study psychology at Bristol and absolutely never set foot in the library.

Will – RAU

Will isn’t just a farmer for a job – he lives and breathes it. He literally named his Love Island baby after one of his dead sheep and it’s basically his whole personality at this point. So where else could he go but Royal Agricultural University (RAU) in Gloucestershire, which has been dubbed the “Oxbridge for farmers” and is all-around incredibly posh and animal-obsessed. And to top it off, it’s a mere one-hour drive away from Jessie in Bristol. A win.

Liv – Exeter

Liv scares me a bit, and I’ve never met an Exeter student who didn’t put me ever so slightly on edge. Her slicked back ponies would fit right in at Exeter, where every student has that smug air of knowing they’re just really fit. Good luck to anyone who sits behind her in lectures, you won’t be able to hear anything over the din of Liv’s acrylics tapping on her rose gold MacBook.

Tanya – Leeds

Tanya does whatever she want and gives zero fucks. How did she manage to convince Shaq to get back with her after the whole Martin debacle? This is power only a Leeds student could hold. Tanya’s room would be full of plants and she’d be a big iced-coffee-in-the-library girlie.

Shaq – Cardiff

Cardiff students are unequivocally lame, with their ultimate night out being a trip to the SU and a load of VKs. And which Love Island man just screams VK? Shaq. He literally fell in love with Tanya within about two days, and the way he incessantly teased Tom about the Love Island sports day was an ick. He’d absolutely get way too involved in Varsity and would probably be a club promoter.

Love Island 2023 continues on ITV2 and ITVX at 9pm tonight. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook. 

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