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‘To commit no flatcest’: The 19 most relatable New Year’s resolutions from Edi students

Less than two weeks into the New Year and these have probably all been broken


Well 2023 has rolled around, and as always we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves in the form of New Year’s resolutions. We should have learned by now we’re constantly setting ourselves up for failure but there we go. So we asked you for your New Year’s resolutions, and Edi really is a hivemind because here are the 19 most relatable resolutions from students.

1. ‘Actually go to my lectures’

We can all dream.

2. ‘Attend every Big Cheese of the year’

At what point does a dream turn into a nightmare?

3. ‘Not run back to guys that don’t care about me’

2023 mood.

4. ‘Waking up before one in the afternoon’

At this point the concept of breakfast is a forgotten one to me.

5. ‘Actually making moves on my tutorial crushes’

I wouldn’t even know where to begin.

6. ‘Dress sluttier’

4th floor library watch this space.

7. ‘Make it on Matchmaking Mondays’

We’re all rooting for you.

8. ‘No flatcest’

Impossible.

9. Go to a club other than Liquid Rooms or Hive’

See this one get broken the millisecond semester starts again.

10. ‘Getting therapy lol’

Every day spent at Edi equates to two days needed in therapy.

11. ‘Reduce meal deal intake’

But they’re just so good.

12. ‘Not go into my overdraft on alcohol’

Now there are other things you can go into overdraft for, like the uni gift shop items.

13. ‘To actually use the gym membership I spent £150 on’

I think literally all of us have bought a gym membership and only gone once.

14. ‘Quit vaping though probably not’

Yeah probably not let’s be real here.

15. ‘Be a hoe’

Iconic.

16. ‘Shag as many people from Chancellor’s as possible’

I think they forgot to put the ‘to avoid’ at the front of this one…

17. ‘Don’t get with a man with a mullet again’

There shouldn’t have been a first time.

18. ‘Pee after sex’

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

19. ‘I’m doing the January challenge where I make it through every day of January’

God this is the hardest resolution yet.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Five ways to survive Edinburgh’s baltic winter that isn’t just paying for heating

• Why I channel my inner Grinch and love to hate being in Edinburgh at Christmas time

• I went to the new ball pit bar in Edi – here’s how it went