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A ranking of Joe Goldberg’s love interests from who was a bore to who slayed the hardest

Beck wasn’t even close to being top dog

Joe Goldberg is haunted by his old flames beyond the grave, both literally and figuratively. When he finds a new woman to crush on he attaches himself so quickly and they soon become his new obsession. But let’s be honest, a fair few of them have been sooooo boring which is weird considering they are dating a man who creates carnage whereever he goes. For example, Joe’s latest flame is Kate from London and her personality is essentially non-existent. I have more pizzazz in my little finger than she has in her entire body – what’s the deal with that??

So here’s a ranking of all of Joe Goldberg’s lovers from Candace all the way to Kate and including rogue ones like Karen Minty and Natalie.

7. Karen Minty

via Netflix

It’s okay if you forgot about Karen Minty, I did too. She was the adult relationship Joe needed. She was a friend of Claudia, Joe’s abused and drug-addicted neighbour and she met Joe in passing. After he broke up with Beck the two started dating. There is no stalking or murdering chaos with Karen which you’d think would rank her high but their relationship was boring. The closest she got to being a mix of passionate carnage was that time Joe cheated on her with Beck.

6. Kate

via Netflix

Okay, okay hear me out. At this point we have only seen five episodes but she is the leading lady and she’s giving nothing. We get it, Kate is meant to be an ice queen who leads the group through fear but come on – where’s the drama??

How can you be dating Joe Goldberg and have a pathetic personality? Let’s see some murder! Let’s see some growing poison in your own back garden!! Let’s see LOVE QUINN.

5. Candace Stone

via Netflix

Candace Stone being alive was a good twist. She was Joe’s original love interest and coming back from the dead was a good move from the show’s creators. Joe buried her in a shallow grave, thinking he killed her.

Candace Stone being alive was a good twist. She was Joe’s original love interest and coming back from the dead was a good move from the show’s creators. Joe buried her in a shallow grave, thinking he killed her.

Beck was a very strong start. Someone had to walk to Love Quinn could run and she did a good job at paving the way.

Beck was a rollercoaster. When we first met her she was in a temperamental relationship with her boyfriend, Benji. After Benji’s disappearance, courtesy of Joe, Beck continues on with her pattern when she gets together with Joe.

Beck essentially capitalised on her best mate’s death and after he gets a new girlfriend, Karen, she makes inappropriate advances to him and then they end up having sex. She’s selfish, a cheat and keeps awful, awful company.

3. Natalie McManus

via Netflix

Natalie ranks third because she served as the initial season three interest before Love smacked her over the head with a literal axe. She was camp, with that flopping hate and those sunglasses as she gazed through the fence. Natalie bought out the absolute best in Love and for that reason alone we have so much to thank her for.

2. Marienne Bellamy

via Netflix

The sexual tension between Marienne and Joe was criminally high. The way they’d stare at each other across the library and have secrets, it was almost normal if you ignore Joe’s entire past and the fact he killed Marienne’s ex, Ryan.

Joe was so in love with her. He was totally prepared to leave Love, his wife at the time, and elope with Marienne – he was in deep.

1. Love Quinn

via Netflix

Love Quinn is mother. She didn’t deserve to die and I still wish she had won and outsmarted Joe Goldberg. She was on a chaotic killing spree in season three. From being the first character to kill and then going on to brutally attack her anti-vax neighbour. We watched her in aw as she did absolutely everything to protect her marriage and child. She was the baddest of bitches and we didn’t deserve her.

You’ve got to admit it, she and Joe were perfect for one another. Beyond them both being serial killers and deeply flawed humans, all they wanted was to be unconditionally loved. She had Madre Linda in a chokehold thanks to her carnage behaviour and gorgeous wardrobe – Love Quinn slayed until her dying breath.

Part one of season four of YOU is available on Netflix now, with part two dropping on March 9th. For all the latest Netflix news, quizzes, drops and memes like The Holy Church of Netflix on Facebook. 

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