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captain lee's best one liners

Ahoy! Captain Lee’s best one liners ranked from hilariously iconic to downright bizarre

Captain Lee, if you’re reading this, please do a meet and greet


Below Deck is binge worthy television at its peak. We all know that best way to spend a rainy Saturday is to marinate on the sofa absorbing relationship drama between the stews and thankfully, the tea just keeps on coming. It would be criminal to talk about Below Deck without paying homage to Captain Lee’s best one liners. That guy carries the show. Without his stern wit, the crew would literally fall apart and so would the show. So, to pay homage to the one cast member who could do no wrong, here’s a definitive ranking of all of Captain Lee’s best one liners:

10. ‘I would rather drag my dick through 10 miles of whiskey bottles’

Starting off bold, Captain Lee really is not afraid to rock the boat, literally. I admire his balls for this one, but I’m not loving the image.

9. ‘It really wrinkles my ass’

A statement we can all relate to. Although, I’m not sure it’s as commonly used as Captain Lee might think, he obviously pulls it off.

8. ‘Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the more shit you have to eat’

A motto we can all live by. Captain Lee really is a man of few words, but all of them inspirational and wise. Again though, it produces questionable images.

7. ‘Dump truck mouth overloading your wheelbarrow behind’

I’m not sure if I completely understand this one, but I recognise it’s iconic all the same.

6. ‘I’m gonna eat someone’s ass for dinner!’

This one gives your dad with roadrage.

If this was uttered by any other TV icon but Captain Lee, it would be majorly cringey. But not from this icon. Genius! He really does know how to entertain his fans.

4. ‘I’m madder than a pissed-on chicken’

Ok, I admit that this is a fat dad joke. It’s something that would get fired over the table at dinner and which you’d have to pretend to laugh at. But I see what he tried to do there and it could only be adorable from him.

3. They better give their souls to Jesus ‘cause their asses belong to me’

This obviously made the cut as one of Captain Lee’s best liners of all time.

2. ‘We screwed the pooch so many times we should have a litter of puppies running around’

Hilarous. No wonder he’s the Captain of his own ship, and the obvious number one star of the show. Does he have a little book where he writes these down and practices delivery, or is he just the complete package?

1. ‘I’m as nervous as a whore in the front row pew at church’

Coming in at number one, the obvious winner out of a sea of Captain Lee’s best one liners, is this kicker. He really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Seasons three and four of Below Deck are currently available to watch on Netflix. For all the latest Netflix news, drops and memes like The Holy Church of Netflix on Facebook.

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