These UK festival Reddit stories are so feral you’ll never want to step foot in a field again

Look, I know that some people did go to music festivals this summer and have a nice time. But those people are definitely not on Reddit. From toilet explosions to drug-induced witch hunts, here are the most weird, feral and downright disgusting stories from UK festivals which Reddit had to offer.

Some of these Reddit stories are so feral you want to never go to festivals, or go anywhere in the UK, or come into contact with another human being every again. You have been warned.

Toilets leaking over everything

“We purchased coach tickets from London to Glastonbury on the Thursday and unfortunately the coach toilet leaked over everything we owned. Rucksack, 2 x tents, sleeping bag, chairs. Before we even got into the festival we honked of piss.

“I bought a new sleeping bag the second we set up and we both tried to deal with the whiff of toilet in our tent for the weekend. Not sure if this is related to piss gate or not but I ended up coming back home on the Sunday due to falling ill with bacterial tonsillitis.”

Protesting by peeing at Glastonbury

“Two older ladies after Coldplay discussing how the women’s urinals were shut so they, along with others, staged a wee-protest on the fence outside. Husband asks if anyone saw them… ‘I’m sure there were much more interesting fannies to look at than mine or Sarah’s.'”

People on Reddit put up with a lot of feral things at UK festival in order to witness Avril Lavigne
(Credit: BBC Music, via YouTube)

Should’ve just got day passes

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“We got human sh*t thrown on our tent at Leeds. Safe to say we left it there.”

Pooing in front of an audience

“Some lass taking a sh*t in an empty dark fruits box while about 30 people stood around in a circle watching and cheering.”

True acrobatic skills

“One of the urinals was leaking creating a steam of pissy mud. A dude fell face first into it. Didn’t spill his beer.”

He must’ve looked like a Scooby Doo monster

“Watched one year in horror as a bunch of lads rocked and tipped over a Portaloo with their mate in it. The dude climbed out covered head to toe in sh*t and just started a slow walk of shame to the showers.”

Strange rituals at Boomtown

“We had to go and speak to a fake pharmacist and have fake jabs so we could go to the Botanica Zoo, where we spoke to one of the animal actors there, and they had to basically test for the animal in us. We had to do loads of stretching. And then we had to wait outside the Temple of Immortal Children to meet The Mother. There were men guarding it with mock spears. The Mother is a bloke dressed up like Gandalf. To summon The Mother, we had to do all sorts of weird sh*t like plant our feet in the ground as our seedling roots then make loads of noise and grow as a seed. In order to be blessed by The Mother, they were like, ‘who was any talents to show?’ A couple of people did handstands. One bloke told everyone on the microphone that he had a foursome with two strippers in Bristol. The Mother was very impressed and awarded him a Botanica spoon. Then The Mother levitated over us on a rope.”

To be fair, I’ve seen similar things happen in Barbie films
(Credit: Boomtown Festival, via YouTube)

A miracle of nature?

“Parklife, 2019 springs to mind. I saw a girl by an ice cream van in the birthing position and piss was just streaming out of her. I swear to God I saw a rainbow in it.

Anyway her mate in the obligatory neon bikini was trying in vain to protect her mate’s modesty, holding a transparent waterproof up in front of her. It just magnified everything though, and the piss was just spraying all over this waterproof like a plastic shower curtain.”

A Harry Potter witch hunt

“A bunch of people with torches and fire on sticks running through the campsite, ransacking every tent looking for ‘Harry Potter’. There was a rumour that Daniel Radcliffe might be at the festival and somehow that snowballed into this group of around 30 stragglers off their tits searching for him at 4am.”

Showering in piss

“T In The Park 2010, a girl went to take a piss in the urinals around the walls on the main area. She had a playsuit on so had to pull it down to her ankles, she was now in the scud, no bra or nothing. Sat on the urinal to pee, the urinal fell, as did she and the drain pipe joining all the urinals together covered her head to toe in piss. She just pulled her playsuit up and away she went like nothing happened. It was amazing.”

The only occasion when you wish you’d stepped in dog sh*t

“My mate was lying out his box in a tent listening to people walking by. A lassie says to her boyfriend, ‘ehhhh a just stepped in dog shite,’ to which he replied, ‘Have you seen any dogs at T in the Park?’”

Does this still count as one of your 5 A Day?

“Man wearing nothing but an elephant mask f*cking a melon close to where we were camped. A few hours later, a friend is eating said melon. We tell her about the elephant man. Unfazed, she responded, ‘Hmm, I thought it tasted like cock.'”

@bigladderphotographer

The aftermath of Reading 2024. Shot at 1pm 26th August 2024. All rights reserved. Shot on the @dji Mavic 3 @Reading & Leeds Festival . . . . . #bigladder #reading #readingfestival #drone #dji #fyp #foryourpage #oasis

♬ Right Here, Right Now – Fatboy Slim

A Biblical plague of wasps

“The year is 2010 and Static X are playing Download festival. There is a massive crowd and its hot as f*ck. Some lad runs past giggling followed by a few mates. He is holding a Tesco bag with a round object in it. The bag is buzzing loudly. Moments later a thick cloud of bees fills the air in front of us easily twice the size of the whole stage. The lad had thrown a damn wasp/bee’s nest into the mosh pit. There was screaming. Static X played the full set.”

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