Barry Keoghan Vanity Fair naked

Enough is enough, it’s time to free Barry Keoghan from the shackles of Saltburn

Let him out!

Barry Keoghan’s penis has been on everyone’s lips since December. From the moment he sauntered out wearing absolutely nothing in the final scene of Saltburn, we’ve been able to speak of little else. And, frankly, it’s become tedious. What is this appendage epidemic? And how can we be cured?

Because, the joke has taken on a third leg of its own. Just this week alone, Barry appeared in a bath of blood on the front of W Magazine, as well as popping up starkers on the cover of Vanity Fair‘s Hollywood Issue.

“Nah actually free Barry Keoghan, it’s enough now,” wrote one person on Twitter/X of the never-ending dick-first appearances. “Someone give Barry Keoghan his knickers and clothes back!!! now!!” begged another. 

Of course, Barry can and should lean into his time in the sun while he can. But we have reached a point of frenzied nude saturation, which is now casting a long (long) shadow over other industry events and his co-star’s lives.

Last week at the BAFTAs, a BBC presenter went viral for cackhandedly asking Andrew Scott – who was at the awards for his nominated film with Paul Mescal, All of Us Strangers – what he thought of Saltburn’s “naked dance scene” — despite it having sweet fuck all to do with him.

A fortnight ago, Jacob Elordi allegedly throttled an Australian reporter when they accosted him in the street and asked for some of his bathwater in reference to the film’s slurping plug hole scene. And, honestly, good for him.

Saltburn’s so-called “scandalous” sex scenes are great. The cultural frisson they’ve caused: Incomparable. But great scenes – great jokes – can still becoming painfully monotonous over time.

It’s less Murder on the Dancefloor now and more murdering my ear drums— We’re flagging a floppy horse. Put your penis away Barry and let the joke die. It’s burgeoning on creepy uncle chat territory now.

For the sake of cinema, let this unbelievably talented man do something other than get his nob out, thanks x

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Featured image credit via James Veysey/Shutterstock/Vanity Fair/BBC News/W Magazine